I read this a long time ago and thought of it every time I cleared out the “drafts” folder in my email inbox. Today I did that again and decided it was time to finally say all those things I wouldn’t / shouldn’t / couldn’t say before:
Maybe you should have married him instead.
Maybe you should have married her instead.
Stop whining already.
I’m jealous of you.
I know what he said.
I wish I wrote to you more.
I wish you wrote to me more.
I don’t like that we’re not talking anymore.
Just because I don’t call you on it doesn’t mean I don’t know you’re lying.
What happened?
I really like you.
I wish I could tell you how hurt I am.
I don’t like you. I just (barely?) pretend to.
I can’t believe you said that.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Friday, May 11, 2007
BFF
A couple of days ago I was telling my husband about an email I’d received from a friend. My reply to his question about which friend started with “my best friend from….”
Only when I saw his puzzled face, I realized I say that about many of my friends – “my best friend from…”. What can I say – I have awesome friends and here are just a few reasons why (in no particular order) -
R – For being my “grown up” friend. You inspire me to be better.
P – For leaving nice comments on my weird pictures. You’re the best at making me feel good about myself.
R – For being way too nice to me.
A – For being the friend who will tell me when those pants make me look fat.
J – For all those afternoons of doing nothing and still doing so much.
P – For letting me play “cops & robbers”.
F – For showing me I could be good at stuff.
K – For showing me one can know how to cook and still be cool.
R – For being happy for me even when you’re sad.
A – For endless cups of coffee and finding friends in unlikely places.
B – For being the closest thing to a sister I could have had.
K – For your uncanny ability to read my mind.
M – For shared dreams, tea parties and “Heidi”.
R – If you weren’t my friend, I’d be jealous of you.
P – You rock. Period.
Only when I saw his puzzled face, I realized I say that about many of my friends – “my best friend from…”. What can I say – I have awesome friends and here are just a few reasons why (in no particular order) -
R – For being my “grown up” friend. You inspire me to be better.
P – For leaving nice comments on my weird pictures. You’re the best at making me feel good about myself.
R – For being way too nice to me.
A – For being the friend who will tell me when those pants make me look fat.
J – For all those afternoons of doing nothing and still doing so much.
P – For letting me play “cops & robbers”.
F – For showing me I could be good at stuff.
K – For showing me one can know how to cook and still be cool.
R – For being happy for me even when you’re sad.
A – For endless cups of coffee and finding friends in unlikely places.
B – For being the closest thing to a sister I could have had.
K – For your uncanny ability to read my mind.
M – For shared dreams, tea parties and “Heidi”.
R – If you weren’t my friend, I’d be jealous of you.
P – You rock. Period.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; 
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
~ "You raise me up" by Josh Groban
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
~ "You raise me up" by Josh Groban
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
cant believe u save mail from the previous century!
Scene 1: I’m filling out some form for work. For once I’m prepared with all the information I need. I just check a box here, write a number there, “dum di da di dum” is playing in my head…suddenly I see that the form requires a passport size photograph. I’m stumped. But not for too long – I remember that I had “organized” my things recently. So I head very confidently to the box labeled "R Stuff". And spend the next hour sifting through old letters, postcards, movie ticket stubs (Napoleon Dynamite. Don’t even ask), photos and other "memories" – including my laminated ID card from kindergarten. And the photograph in question? Not a single one in sight...of course! My husband is very supportive (not!), “It is not just about storage. It is about retrieval also”.
Scene 2: I put the box away and start searching my email – somewhere I had an order number that I could use to request reprints. And modern day technology being what it is – all I’d have to do is type the search terms “passport + photograph + order” right? Wrong. Apparently I use a very advanced email filing system – the only thing that turned up was spam from
http://www.your passport to a photographic memory - order today.com
Ok so the search idea wasn’t so great.
I start looking at subject lines of my emails to see if I can find it. I have no luck with “Picture this”, “A thousand words”, “Big picture”, “Portrait or landscape”, “Picture Perfect”, “At first sight”…the list goes on.
More “help” from the husband quarter – “You know, if you just deleted some of the junk in there, you might have more luck finding it”.
My (very mature) response is to make a face and say “Bah!”
Just my luck, the next email we see after that is one he sent me (in 2004) that just says “cant believe u save mail from the previous century!” – in response to a forward I sent him (that I had originally received in 1999).
I quickly close it and hope he hadn’t seen that e-mail. No such luck – he’s busy putting on his “I told you so” face. Game set match K.
Scene 3: About a week later I’m rooting around in my bag for spare cash. And the first thing I find? An envelope containing 20 passport size photos. And no husband around to watch my victory dance. (sigh).
Scene 2: I put the box away and start searching my email – somewhere I had an order number that I could use to request reprints. And modern day technology being what it is – all I’d have to do is type the search terms “passport + photograph + order” right? Wrong. Apparently I use a very advanced email filing system – the only thing that turned up was spam from
http://www.your passport to a photographic memory - order today.com
Ok so the search idea wasn’t so great.
I start looking at subject lines of my emails to see if I can find it. I have no luck with “Picture this”, “A thousand words”, “Big picture”, “Portrait or landscape”, “Picture Perfect”, “At first sight”…the list goes on.
More “help” from the husband quarter – “You know, if you just deleted some of the junk in there, you might have more luck finding it”.
My (very mature) response is to make a face and say “Bah!”
Just my luck, the next email we see after that is one he sent me (in 2004) that just says “cant believe u save mail from the previous century!” – in response to a forward I sent him (that I had originally received in 1999).
I quickly close it and hope he hadn’t seen that e-mail. No such luck – he’s busy putting on his “I told you so” face. Game set match K.
Scene 3: About a week later I’m rooting around in my bag for spare cash. And the first thing I find? An envelope containing 20 passport size photos. And no husband around to watch my victory dance. (sigh).
Friday, April 20, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Hurray ! I have all the answers....
...well to 5 of Brandy's questions at least.
1. If you could have prevented one event in history, what would it have been and why?
World War II. Annie Frank. I rest my case.
2. Why do you blog? (A bit of a rip off question from what Bre asked me, but I'm always curious)
I think putting things in writing somehow makes them seem more intense, funny, sad, witty, deep…{insert your favourite adjectives here}. And in many cases it is better than saying the same thing out loud*
3. If you wrote the story of your life, what would the title of your autobiography be?
This one’s easy – I’ve had a name picked out for years: “Colours – A Kaleidoscope of Emotions”. I also considered “Rite of Passage” but Alexei Panshin beat me to it.
4. What's your best characteristic?
I make friends very easily. And make an effort to keep them.
5. What is something most people would be surprised to learn about you?
Has to be my age. In person I look a few years older than I really am. Over the phone I sound about 6. Go figure.
And then I live happily ever after. THE END
If you are interested in participating, here are the rules:
Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me!”
I will respond by e-mailing you five questions.
I get to pick them, and you have to answer them all.
You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
* especially if you've received the "looks" I have
1. If you could have prevented one event in history, what would it have been and why?
World War II. Annie Frank. I rest my case.
2. Why do you blog? (A bit of a rip off question from what Bre asked me, but I'm always curious)
I think putting things in writing somehow makes them seem more intense, funny, sad, witty, deep…{insert your favourite adjectives here}. And in many cases it is better than saying the same thing out loud*
3. If you wrote the story of your life, what would the title of your autobiography be?
This one’s easy – I’ve had a name picked out for years: “Colours – A Kaleidoscope of Emotions”. I also considered “Rite of Passage” but Alexei Panshin beat me to it.
4. What's your best characteristic?
I make friends very easily. And make an effort to keep them.
5. What is something most people would be surprised to learn about you?
Has to be my age. In person I look a few years older than I really am. Over the phone I sound about 6. Go figure.
And then I live happily ever after. THE END
If you are interested in participating, here are the rules:
Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me!”
I will respond by e-mailing you five questions.
I get to pick them, and you have to answer them all.
You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
* especially if you've received the "looks" I have
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Of angst and eighteen year olds
when i want to cry
the tears wont come
when i want to smile
the tears wont stop
when i want to die
they ask me why
when i want to live
they say "give up"
when i ask for love
i'm told "not today"
when they look for me
i'm too far away
when i chase harmony
i encounter strife
upside down & topsy turvy
oh well i guess "such is life"
the tears wont come
when i want to smile
the tears wont stop
when i want to die
they ask me why
when i want to live
they say "give up"
when i ask for love
i'm told "not today"
when they look for me
i'm too far away
when i chase harmony
i encounter strife
upside down & topsy turvy
oh well i guess "such is life"
Monday, January 29, 2007
A new year...a new day
New Years Eve…waiting in the lounge for a boarding call…passing time trying to figure out what the other people in the lounge do for a living…watching re-runs of Saddam Hussein’s execution and Gerald Ford’s funeral…filling up on veggie sandwiches and sparkling water...making sure I "shopped" at every store in the vicinity...
New Years Eve…sitting on a plane somewhere over Hong Kong…peering through the window to see if I can actually spot the “International Dateline”…stewardesses passing out glasses of champagne…falling asleep halfway thru a Hindi movie (hmmm…I wonder which girl the guy finally ends up with)
New Years Eve…settling down on the couch…deciding to not watch what’s on TV…playing hangman with the husband…giggling when he isn’t able to guess the word I’m thinking of…insisting I did NOT change the word half-way thru…content :)
2007 is here...wonder what it has in store for me
Monday, December 11, 2006
Ever wondered why…
…the only people who look good working out in a gym are the ones who don’t need to
…when you’re late for work and park in the first available spot (a mile away) – you see a vacant spot right by the building’s entrance
…your cube at office looks like a Martha Stewart showpiece but your living room always looks like the scene of a major hurricane
…you never have anywhere to go / anyone to meet when you’re having a “good hair day” (ditto for “great skin day”)
…the one day you decide to indulge in “comfort food” at the cafeteria is the day you run into everyone you know
...just when you think you have men all figured out, they bowl you over with something totally unexpected
…your manager *always* stops by your desk when you’re taking your first break of the day to browse the net (after 4 hours of non-stop work)
…the cute skirt that made you look great in the store’s trial room makes you look fat in real life
…the prettier your shoes are, the more uncomfortable they are to walk in
…the day you wear that new jacket is the day you spill mustard all over yourself
…in spite of all this, life still is a blast?!
…when you’re late for work and park in the first available spot (a mile away) – you see a vacant spot right by the building’s entrance
…your cube at office looks like a Martha Stewart showpiece but your living room always looks like the scene of a major hurricane
…you never have anywhere to go / anyone to meet when you’re having a “good hair day” (ditto for “great skin day”)
…the one day you decide to indulge in “comfort food” at the cafeteria is the day you run into everyone you know
...just when you think you have men all figured out, they bowl you over with something totally unexpected
…your manager *always* stops by your desk when you’re taking your first break of the day to browse the net (after 4 hours of non-stop work)
…the cute skirt that made you look great in the store’s trial room makes you look fat in real life
…the prettier your shoes are, the more uncomfortable they are to walk in
…the day you wear that new jacket is the day you spill mustard all over yourself
…in spite of all this, life still is a blast?!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Heads I'm lucky, tails I'm...
Hmmm...I logged in to Orkut this morning and here's what I found on my homepage :
I wonder what that means. Am I in the wrong lane? Or am I lucky?
Or is this just another attempt on my part to see "signs" in everything around me?
I wonder what that means. Am I in the wrong lane? Or am I lucky?
Or is this just another attempt on my part to see "signs" in everything around me?
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
I feel pretty...
Reading online reviews of salons in the neighborhood (give or take 20 miles) – 1 week
Asking many people I knew (and many I didn’t) where they got their hair done – “Ok! No more coffee for you” looks from all of them
Flipping through a zillion magazines while waiting, trying to find the “perfect” look - 30 minutes and total confusion
Trying not to imagine what a wrong snip would do – chewed up nails
Looking in the mirror after she says “Ok I’m done” and liking what I see – a (huge) sigh of relief
The charge on my credit card – an arm and a leg
Making my hair look the same the next morning – painstaking (achieved with “serum” and waking up 30 minutes earlier than usual)
The “wow-my-hair-looks-so-nice-I-could-be-in-a-shampoo-commercial” feeling when I see my reflection somewhere – Priceless
I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight.
("I feel pretty" - OST Westside Story)
Asking many people I knew (and many I didn’t) where they got their hair done – “Ok! No more coffee for you” looks from all of them
Flipping through a zillion magazines while waiting, trying to find the “perfect” look - 30 minutes and total confusion
Trying not to imagine what a wrong snip would do – chewed up nails
Looking in the mirror after she says “Ok I’m done” and liking what I see – a (huge) sigh of relief
The charge on my credit card – an arm and a leg
Making my hair look the same the next morning – painstaking (achieved with “serum” and waking up 30 minutes earlier than usual)
The “wow-my-hair-looks-so-nice-I-could-be-in-a-shampoo-commercial” feeling when I see my reflection somewhere – Priceless
I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight.
("I feel pretty" - OST Westside Story)
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Of Coffee...and everything under the sun...
I was recently cleaning up my cellphone - when I came across this old "note" I had saved on it a long time ago...
Suddenly I'm in my mother's kitchen again....bantering with her as we both got our coffee - mine in an oversized mug, hers in "the glass"....and then we would go back to the living room, I'd fold my legs under me and we'd be off....chatting about everything under the sun....long after the coffee was gone, we'd be sitting there....not wanting to let the moment go....reluctant to let the rest of the day come and take that away from us....and now here I am.....all those days behind me....getting all weepy and sentimental over a Starbucks coffee shot as it all comes back to me......
PS: I went back home in August - and it was almost as if the last 2 years hadn't even happened. It was as if I woke up one morning and went into her kitchen and got a cup of coffee...and time stood still...
Suddenly I'm in my mother's kitchen again....bantering with her as we both got our coffee - mine in an oversized mug, hers in "the glass"....and then we would go back to the living room, I'd fold my legs under me and we'd be off....chatting about everything under the sun....long after the coffee was gone, we'd be sitting there....not wanting to let the moment go....reluctant to let the rest of the day come and take that away from us....and now here I am.....all those days behind me....getting all weepy and sentimental over a Starbucks coffee shot as it all comes back to me......
PS: I went back home in August - and it was almost as if the last 2 years hadn't even happened. It was as if I woke up one morning and went into her kitchen and got a cup of coffee...and time stood still...
Thursday, September 07, 2006
What I did at work today
I am thinking about how nice a hug would feel right now
I said I would not be such a cry baby (just like I said I would watch my weight I guess)
I am crazy
I want to travel, learn more languages, meditate on my belly-button (big picture) fit into size 4 jeans (small picture – actually big if you look at “it” from a different angle)
I wish I were more organised
I love the sound of my husband’s voice
I cry for no reason and for everything
I hear imaginary people talk about me
I wonder what would happen if I tried to disappear? Would I succeed? Would they find me?
I regret all the times I mope and think "what if?"
I confuse myself constantly – am I or am I not? Do I or do I not? Can I or can I not?
I dance very very badly (ask Anahat)
I sing off-key,out of tune and all the time
I am not always spaced-out – there are times when I have brilliant flashes of inspiration and sometimes surprise myself even
I write better when I’m angry / hurt / sad
I need to get a new look
I said I would not be such a cry baby (just like I said I would watch my weight I guess)
I am crazy
I want to travel, learn more languages, meditate on my belly-button (big picture) fit into size 4 jeans (small picture – actually big if you look at “it” from a different angle)
I wish I were more organised
I love the sound of my husband’s voice
I cry for no reason and for everything
I hear imaginary people talk about me
I wonder what would happen if I tried to disappear? Would I succeed? Would they find me?
I regret all the times I mope and think "what if?"
I confuse myself constantly – am I or am I not? Do I or do I not? Can I or can I not?
I dance very very badly (ask Anahat)
I sing off-key,out of tune and all the time
I am not always spaced-out – there are times when I have brilliant flashes of inspiration and sometimes surprise myself even
I write better when I’m angry / hurt / sad
I need to get a new look
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Maybe...
I just read my earlier post - was I being too cynical and/or judgemental - maybe I should just mind my business and not put the world under a microscope? Maybe just as I think I know what I'm doing - others do too...Maybe I should just knock on wood and be thankful I found my own happily ever after...Maybe I should just go to bed content...instead of staying up late thinking dreary thoughts...Well...maybe I just will...(at least until the next wave of "what is with this world we live in" hits anyway!!!)
Does a happily ever after even exist?
A while ago a friend and I were speaking about the state of relationships, more specifically marriages in today's world. There is a "finality" (or whatever the noun form of final is) about marriage that many people don't seem to realise before (sometimes even after) they get into it.
She was telling me about how some people thought they were better off getting un-married rather than stay with the "mistakes" they'd married...we spoke of extra-marital affairs and people leaving each other at the drop of a hat...that got me thinking - whatever happened to good old "happily ever after"? Was it only meant to be the last line of little girls' fairy tales not be applied to real life any more? Why do more and more people think they can't (or is it they don't want to?) "make it work" ? And all the people who DO stay together - is it because they're scared to not?
She was telling me about how some people thought they were better off getting un-married rather than stay with the "mistakes" they'd married...we spoke of extra-marital affairs and people leaving each other at the drop of a hat...that got me thinking - whatever happened to good old "happily ever after"? Was it only meant to be the last line of little girls' fairy tales not be applied to real life any more? Why do more and more people think they can't (or is it they don't want to?) "make it work" ? And all the people who DO stay together - is it because they're scared to not?
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
3 years and counting...
How time flies by - it has already been 3 years since I joined TCS...on the other hand how slowly time drags on - especially when I'm watching the clock on a dreary Tuesday afternoon waiting for a meeting to get over...
From those first days in Kerala to my current gig in California - where have the last 3 years gone? (My inner cynic's reply - innumerable cups of coffee, dirty office politics, pages and pages of documentation, the list goes on...)
From those first days in Kerala to my current gig in California - where have the last 3 years gone? (My inner cynic's reply - innumerable cups of coffee, dirty office politics, pages and pages of documentation, the list goes on...)
Thursday, July 13, 2006
:(
A really nice "testimonial" that a (very good) friend of mine wrote for me seems to have disappeared from my Orkut profile :( In a weird way that testimonial helped me feel good about myself...and now it's not there...
(sigh) Now I'm going to have to resort to my Plan B and find a bar of chocolate as an alternate source of endorphins to keep me going
(sigh) Now I'm going to have to resort to my Plan B and find a bar of chocolate as an alternate source of endorphins to keep me going
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
I'm back....or not
Finally I'm back on Blogger...well technically I can't say I'm "back" - because I wasn't really here - I just visited a couple of times...For ease of expression, let me just stick with "I'm back"
Is it too soon? Or did I already stay away too long? Either way, now that I'm here do I even have anything to say?
Well I have all day to ponder about this...my manager is out sick...and you know what they say about "when the cat is away" :)
Is it too soon? Or did I already stay away too long? Either way, now that I'm here do I even have anything to say?
Well I have all day to ponder about this...my manager is out sick...and you know what they say about "when the cat is away" :)
Monday, April 11, 2005
Friday, March 21, 2003
Whatever
thunder lightning raindrops dew
sunshine winter warm clothes you
words symbols people voices
silence footsteps music noises
thoughts feelings emotions fears
joys laughter love tears
walks friendship days nights
smiles songs holding hands fights
colours touching smells friends
meetings roads journeys dead ends
buildings floors crowds spaces
empty full walls faces
beginning games kings pawns
losers winners dusk dawns
sunshine winter warm clothes you
words symbols people voices
silence footsteps music noises
thoughts feelings emotions fears
joys laughter love tears
walks friendship days nights
smiles songs holding hands fights
colours touching smells friends
meetings roads journeys dead ends
buildings floors crowds spaces
empty full walls faces
beginning games kings pawns
losers winners dusk dawns
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)