Voices

Keep the faith

2009-12-28T12:06:00.000-08:00

I'm posting this for Brandy - to let her know I'm thinking of her and her "hot awesome dude". For all those times I've smiled because of her blog. To all the 2.6 people who read this blog - think about this.

My name is brandy. And I have a blog.

And a plea.

I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.

He’s a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He’s the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He’s the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He’s a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He’s made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He’s listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.

The holidays have hit us hard. He’s recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He’s the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I’m overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.

As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren’t sure what’s happening. He’ll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what’s going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as ‘brandy’s hot awesome dude’). If you don’t pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.

I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven’t seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).

I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I’m throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn’t a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It’s just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven’t already? Please tell someone you love them today.

I did.

An idle mind*

2008-12-09T21:01:00.001-08:00

Recently I’ve had a lot of time to catch up on my (mostly chick-lit) reading. This also means I’m putting all my library memberships to good use (all 4 of them) -
• The library for the city where we now live
• The library for the city where I now work
• The library system for the general area we used to live and work in
• The library system for the general area we now live in

(During one of my ~~recent~~ crazy “putting books on my hold list” sprees, I also signed up for a card at the library in the city where I volunteer a few hours a week. Luckily I later found the same book while browsing one of my “regular” libraries, so I didn’t bother picking up my library card from the other place.)

For a while I kept track of all my books and videos the usual way. They would stay in the backseat of my car till the library emailed me a courtesy notification a few days before they were due. And then, there would be a mad scramble to either read, renew or return whatever I could. Till one day, inspiration (or boredom) struck. Now I have my own tracking system in excel.

The Summary
This is where I get an overall picture of what I have checked out and when they’re due.
From here, I can also link to the library website to check my account. I can also click anywhere in the table showing the breakdown to get more details on those specific items.

The Details
This is a list of all the items I have checked out and when they’re due. The light blue shading is for books I’m done reading and the light yellow is for the ones I’m currently reading.
The purple shading in the “Due Date” column marks due dates that are in the next 3 days.
The pink in the last column tells me I need to read / renew / return those items – it’s a combination of items with a due date in the next 7 days and status of “Not yet started” or “Work in Progress”.
Needless to say, I'm very pleased with myself. I have also realized I might be spending more time "refining" my tracking sheet than I spend actually reading all those books I borrowed!

* is, in my case, apparently an excel workshop!

The timing is not quite right

2008-10-21T09:56:00.001-07:00

I was on my way back home at around 5 PM when I saw this sign on the freeway -

Looks like Caltrain has to try harder to convince people to take the train instead of driving.

That's so C....

2008-04-17T14:54:00.000-07:00

Z: E, we need to talk. I have to tell you something.
E: Do you want to play my game?
Z: Yes. But I don't like it when you call me that. I want you to stop.
E: But you are......
Z (on the verge of tears): But I don't like it. (to me) Can you ask E to stop?
At this point I'm trying very hard not to laugh. I make a serious face to match the situation and say in my best "grown-up voice" - "E, stop calling Z that. Z, maybe E will stop saying that if you stop paying attention to her".
The word that was causing all the trouble? Cute of course!

Imitation is the best form of flattery?!

2008-03-06T21:57:00.000-08:00

Z: I need a tissue.
E: I need a tissue.
Z: My nose is dripping.
E: My nose is dripping.
Z: Please.
E: Please.
Me: Z, here you go. E, you do not need a tissue – your nose is fine*.
Z: Can I have some water? I’m thirjty.
E: Can I have some water. I’m thirty.
Me: (sigh)

A couple of days later, all the other kids are inside for story-time except E & R.
Me: E, what are you doing out here? The story’s about to start.
E: I have sand in my shoe.
R: I have sand in my shoe.
E: No, I have sand in my shoe.
R: No, I have sand in my shoe.
E: Why’re you copying me? I don’t understand why you constantly** keep copying me
Me: (sigh)

* - even though it was coloured black and had ‘whiskers’ drawn near it.
** - a little difficult to believe since it was R’s second day there and that was the first time I saw them both play together

That explains it !

2008-01-10T10:42:00.000-08:00

No wonder they call this part of town Paradiso.

Conshohocken

2007-12-16T22:22:00.001-08:00

Tiny town, PA.

I got to travel. Between missed connections and distances from coast - to - coast, it took me close to 18 hours to get there. Thank God I love airplanes :)

I made new friends. I'll probably never see them again. I might send them a couple of work related emails. But there is something about being one of the 16 women in a room (of 21 people total) that makes for good camarederie (or however that's spelt)

I had dinner in a fancy French restaurant - it was so ~~fancy~~ French, the waiters even spoke French to each other. My food choices were limited - but who cares when you have five kinds of forks?

I got totally pampered. Not only did D drive me around - he also held the door for me. And entertained me with his stories.

I found out guys can be sappy too. In a good "I'm so in love with my wife I can't wait to see her again" way.

I lost a* an earring while I was there. It was a present from my husband :(

* - I found out I say earring weird - or used to at least.

Arbit and Arbiter

2007-12-08T16:48:00.000-08:00

Apparently this is what happens when I'm "Addicted to friends"

I give you some music? Yes?

2007-12-07T00:01:00.000-08:00

Lady on the phone: Ich sprache kein Englisch
Me: Ich sprache kein Deutsch

At first she just thought I was mimicking her. After a couple of minutes, she believed I really didn't speak German (well not enough to book tickets at least), I got transferred to someone who knew English.
Who turned out to have the best way of asking if she could put me on hold - "I give you some music? Yes?"

The end

2007-11-30T11:54:00.001-08:00

Today's the last day of Nablopomo 2007. And I made it. I posted every day, all November.

And we all live happily ever after. The end.

ps: Next November, if I even talk about signing up for this again, somebody please spank me (twss).

Where I belong

2007-11-29T15:15:00.000-08:00

For a while now I've been telling people I like my job and the company I work for. Today I found out why. And no it's not that they pay me $$$$$ (because they don't).

We were watching an important presentation by our company today. And all of us were engrossed. Even though most of the terms they were using didn't make sense to most of us.
But we still watched - I know some people who got up really early (it started at 8 am Eastern time), I know some people who missed lunch.

Some of us even had our fingers crossed when it was time for the vote. And after, everyone was excited as if they personally had won. It was as if all those fingers being crossed had really made a difference.

A few people started walking around, telling everyone they ran into "Hey, did you hear? We got the approval".

That word is what gets me. Everytime. We.

:)

2007-11-28T21:36:00.000-08:00

I had a great day today. It was one of those days where you're thinking "it can't get any better than this", when someone gives you a hundred dollars.
All day there were many things that made me smile, laugh out loud, jump up and down, excitedly call my husband...
All day long I was thinking of how I had so many wonderful things to blog about.
Now that I'm sitting here though, I find it difficult to describe exactly why today was wonderful.
Except that I went back to Kickbox Aerobics class and was so happy I did. And someone really did give me $100.

Days of my life

2007-11-27T15:37:00.000-08:00

L (Guy I work with): Hey, you ok?

Me: Ya. Why?
L: Well you've not been bugging me much recently - so I thought you were coming down with something.

Me: .....

*****************************

This is a picture of the box my fries came in at lunch today:

At least now I don't feel so bad about all those carbs.

I will survive

2007-11-26T22:14:00.000-08:00

Today I went to the gym after a long time. No baby steps of 20 minutes on the treadmill for me. I started with a 1-hr class of Kickbox Aerobics.
For the first 5 minutes, I huffed and puffed and did everything wrong. I spent the next 15 minutes watching the clock - if I can just make it till the hand reaches 8...9...10...and so on. And humming "I will survive" under my breath.
By the time the class was half over, I realised it was actually fun (shhh...don't tell my husband I said that...I do have an image to maintain) to try and be in step with 5 other people. Almost like a dancing class would have been if I'd ever gotten up the courage to try that.
I'm very proud of myself for staying the entire hour, and more importantly, making a promise to myself that I will go back there on Wednesday (whether I keep that promise or not will depend on what my sore back says tomorrow).
For now I'm high on the endorphins and happy as a penguin.

You think I'd crumble
You think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
- "I Will survive" - Gloria Gaynor

Love is a girl's word

2007-11-25T19:33:00.000-08:00

As soon as he opened his present, we were the coolest aunt and uncle ever. He gave both of us a quick hug and ran off to show his friends what his "cool aunt and uncle" had brought him.
Ten minutes later, he was back and looking quite upset. And with him four other 6 year olds.
The book we gave him had a "With love from" inscription inside.
His friend explained "Love is a girl's word".
I was speechless. I looked around for my husband so he could give them a man-to-man talk about how love is a wonderful thing and so on.
When I couldn't find him, I spotted my sister in law's husband and thought of asking him to do the honours - luckily I didn't. He was busy looking for a piece of cake that didn't have any strawberry cream on it.
"Pink is a girl's colour", his exasperated wife said by way of explanation.

When 32 is perfect

2007-11-24T18:22:00.000-08:00

My husband got the mileage on his car to touch 32 MPG. To put it in perspective, that is the upper limit per the manufacturer's spec. Understandably, I usually stay away from driving his car.

Today I found out I do pretty well under pressure too. We went out and I drove on the way back (3 different freeways and close to 45 miles) and I maintained the MPG (and only told ~~4 people~~ the whole internet about it)

ps

2007-11-23T23:59:00.001-08:00

Just a few things to add to yesterday's list -
A dinner "date" that I even "dressed up" for
A table with a view of the bay
Watching planes land and take off
Talking about everything and nothing
Falling in love all over again

Giving thanks on Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T18:03:00.000-08:00

No turkey this year (or any) - but I thought I could still say thanks for:

Just in time

2007-11-21T20:24:00.000-08:00

The long weekend couldn't have come at a better time. I mean I know there are many times when by Wednesday I'm so knackered, I wish it were Thanksgiving week. This time I have a laundry list of high-priority things to do - and we're not even talking things like "~~tackle~~ organize my closet" here -

Difficult conversations to have
Accusations to make
Fences to mend
Fights to hash out
Anger to leave behind
Harsh words to eat
Owning up to do

It's not going to be easy, but I hope I'm strong enough to do it.

I'm done

2007-11-20T13:38:00.000-08:00

Everything that had to be has been said
All the tears that had to be have been shed
I caused the hurt and now I'm in pain
I can't wait to feel the sunshine again

I'm spent. I have no more tears, no more words left. I just want to go lie down and ask someone to hold me. Time to call Mom I think.

A weekend of lessons

2007-11-19T10:25:00.000-08:00

Sometimes men ARE allowed to look smug.
Loudly giggling at this every couple of minutes may not exactly be the best thing to do. Especially with a husband who's reading this sitting across the room from you.
In public restrooms of questionable hygiene, open the tap BEFORE you get soap on your hands.
You know when you're watching a scary movie and you cover your eyes, you have a serious urge to peek? IGNORE the same urge when in said public restrooms of questionable hygiene.
When you're going to be irritable for something like this - you'd better come up with a "real" reason for that ~~craziness~~ emotion or better still, zip it.
When you have a "feeling" something bad is going to happen, you don't have to keep pushing things so something does.
It's ok to occasionally cry over nothing and tell yourself those are "cleansing" tears.
You look forward to Monday not because you love your job (well maybe that too) but just as a (good) sign the weekend is over.

"Oh-my-God" *

2007-11-18T12:30:00.000-08:00

I read this a while ago and today I know what it really feels like.
I had a ~~dream~~ nightmare last night and I'm MAD. Thank God that person doesn't live here or she'd be toast by now.

In unrelated news, I just found out I'm not as Addicted to Friends as I'd like to be - time to remedy that. If you need me, I'll be on my couch watching my Friends DVDs. With a ~~slice of cake~~ ton of calories for company.

* That would be the "Joey-just-found-out-Chandler-made-out-with-his-sister-Oh-my-God"

Fire on the mountain......run, run, run...

2007-11-17T21:42:00.000-08:00

Except there was neither a fire, nor a mountain. Only an out of breath me running to silence the fire alarm. Every 5 minutes.
Apparently our neighbours got their carpets steam cleaned. And our fire alarm thinks our house is filled with Carbon Monoxide and we should "move to fresh air".
Either that or the alarm's trying to indicate a low battery.
Whichever it is, I spent all afternoon today climbing on a chair every 5 minutes, to stand on my toes and reach up with a pen to push the "silence" button. When I finally gave up and got the husband involved, he just reached up and removed the battery.
Duh!

What real men say

2007-11-16T21:11:00.000-08:00

I have a horrible one, makes me look fat (about an ID photo)

Do you think my hair's looking a little frizzy?

I "yuvve" you too (well at least he tried)

I think my nose looks better from the side. What do you think?

Which one's better? (looking at two different brands of sunscreen)

Do you think this color's too bright (trying on a red shirt)

ADD*

2007-11-15T22:33:00.001-08:00

I LOVE air travel. There is something about airports that totally gets me. Every time.
I love looking at the monitors with planes to all those faraway places. I love walking those aisles watching all the people around me. I love looking for my seat on the plane, looking out of the window to see the San Francisco Bay as we take off.

It doesn't matter if I'm there to pick someone up or drop them off - I ALWAYS wish I were the one travelling. We just dropped my sister-in-law and her husband at the airport. It was all I could do to not go in with them and wait in the check-in line, just to get my "airport-fix".
While they were complaining about the long layover in New York between planes, my eyes lit up at the thought of being able to explore JFK airport. Luckily I kept that thought to myself.

Now I'm getting restless thinking of when my next trip may be. I am sure I can hear Travelocity call my name.

(*Air-travel deficit disorder)

Going Dutch

2007-11-14T21:21:00.000-08:00

This one will be a quickie (That's what she said) - Did I do that one right Brandy? Or do I need more practice?

I opened my blog this evening and this is what I saw there:

(I know the picture is not very clear - but just picture it with all the text on the top in Dutch)

I thought I was seeing things and went to the main page to login and this is what showed up:

WWLD?

2007-11-13T22:02:00.000-08:00

On days...
...when you're exhausted and it isn't even noon yet?
...when you realise (after explaining something to someone for an hour) that talking is work too?
...when you wish the phone would stop ringing for a bit?
...when you wish instead of a sweater, that was a comforter around you?
...when you finally go to bed and you're suddenly wide awake?

Death by chocolate

2007-11-12T19:28:00.000-08:00

Seems to me that's where I'm headed.

I had three slices of this and one slice of this today and I'm not even the least bit repentant. If anything, I'm looking forward to my next chocolate fix (which is in approximately half an hour - hey, don't blame me, blame the ~~genius~~ devil who came up with the idea of dessert after dinner).

Oh well, at least I'll die happy.

So she said on Sunday...

2007-11-11T16:40:00.001-08:00

...I don't really have much to say today except:

a) Doesn't the universe really have a nice way of doing things sometimes? I booked my husband and me on different flights for a trip. When I noticed my mistake and called Orbitz to change it, they said the change fees were $250 plus any difference in fare. Ouch. I decided it was ok, I could spend a few extra hours in 1 airport and my husband could do the same in another. This morning I got an email from Orbitz saying our previous flight's time has changed. That means my husband will not be able to make the earlier connecting flight on that day. That means, Orbitz asked if he would mind going on a later flight :) Of course he doesn't, thank you very much.

b) Amen to that - especially since I recently had this conversation with somebody about arranged vs. non-arranged marriages. (The romantic in me believes ALL marriages are arranged, and yes, in heaven). I was telling them that yes, I met my husband through my parents - but it doesn't matter, I could have met him in an elevator and I would have still married him. Meeting through the parents kind of simplified the process - otherwise imagine the number of elevators I'd have had to try.

Picture? Perfect!

2007-11-10T20:00:00.000-08:00

Some time ago I wrote about this. You'd think I'd have learnt from that experience.
Apparently not.

Today I was making sure I had all the documentation ready for something I need to do on Monday. I did. Plus 1 copy.

Till it came to the last item on the list -

(WIP = No clue where I can find those)

As organised as I am with all my important documents, I just can't seem to keep track of my passport photographs.

I looked at my husband, "Houston..."

"We have a problem?"

"Err, yeah...it looks like..."

"Did we forget anything?"

Luckily just then I saw something on the list that made me smile.

"Actually, I need to get new photos taken - apparently the mouth has to be closed. So I can't use the ones I have - I'm smiling in them. So maybe we can just stop by Walgreens tomorrow?" (Whew! That was close)

"Sure. That should be ok"

Fun Friday

2007-11-09T22:33:00.000-08:00

Today turned out to be a nice way to end this week.

At work many of us were "dressed up" for Diwali. Naturally that involved tons of compliments
"I LOVE what you're wearing"
"Ooooh are those diamonds?"
"Your shoes are SO pretty"

From there it was on to lunch - and except for the 20 minute wait to get seated, it was great.

And the way the day ended? A visit to A's place where I was treated to his best behaviour.
"Peesh" (let me play with your phone)
"Thank you" (for letting me play with your phone)
"Thank you" (for letting me take a picture of my mom's carpet)
"Bye" (I'm going to watch a video now)

All in all, a day that has me smiling at the end of it (sigh) Everyone should have more of those.

Is the weekend here yet?

2007-11-08T22:58:00.000-08:00

SO much happened already this week and I still have Friday to get through:

1) We went from broken garage door opener on Monday to swanky new garage door opener - including a fancy keyless entry system - on Tuesday. I LOVE my husband's choice in gadgets.

2) I spent 3 days in training and found out:

I’m a geek
I still have my obsession with taking notes the “right way” using the “right writing instrument” (1 blue pen, 1 black pen, 1 pencil, 2 highlighters)
I DID pay some attention in Business School
I wish I'd paid more attention in Business School
Now all of a sudden I'm looking for more classes I can take (Note to self: Take a deep
breath till such feelings pass)
I wasn't really missed at work
I really missed being at work

3) I found out I may just be working for the coolest company ever.

4) When you know someone is scheduled to power-wash your windows, you shower that much faster.

5) Someone told me I speak a certain language well and made my day (and caused me to make at least 3 phone calls to gloat).

6) Sometimes Murphy listens when you ask him (and his law) to take a hike – and things go right. Like when I woke up late on Wednesday and still made it to work before class started (the icing - it turned out to be a great-hair-day).

The Starbucks Story

2007-11-07T22:35:00.000-08:00

I read here that Mark Twain once said "I can live for two months on a good compliment" and I was reminded of a story from a long time ago -

There was a Starbucks opposite where I worked, and a guy (G1*) there used to have so much fun trying to get my name right. One time he took my order and started writing my name on the cup for the other guy to make my coffee - and then since he got one letter wrong - he threw that cup away and started afresh.

A few days later, there was a new guy (G2*) who took my order and asked for my name.
I pointed to G1 and said "Maybe you should ask him - I'm sure he knows it by now"
-t0 which G1 replied "Oh, I just call her 'beautiful'"
G2 smiled and said "Ok 'beautiful' it is then!" - and wrote "beautiful" on a cup for my Chai latte.

(After I drank my Chai I rinsed that cup clean and used it as a pen holder for close to 6 months)

* - G1 & G2 - must be all the Math I've been doing.

Don't mess with me in Math Class...

2007-11-06T23:33:00.000-08:00

...or any social situation that involves numbers and a problem to solve.

I was in project management training today where we learnt about estimating schedules. Everything was fine - all of us were nodding seriously to everything the instructor said, highlighting every third word and so on.

Suddenly he said something about an exercise. That involved looking at a diagram of different activities that made up a project, the dependencies between them and the time needed for each activity. We had to calculate what the shortest time to finish the project was.

I picked up my pencil and it was like I was possessed. I could feel the adrenaline rush. For the next couple of minutes my hand moved frantically across the page till I was done. I put down my pencil and looked up. I saw a room full of people still poring over their notebooks with a look of confusion.

And I smiled. The smile of the geek who loved her high school math textbook almost as much as she loved her copy of "Heidi" and "The Secret Garden".

A picture is worth a thousand words

2007-11-05T23:47:00.000-08:00

DO NOT KICK FLUSH HANDLES OR COSTLY REPAIRS WILL BE NEEDED

(I couldn't get a clearer picture the first couple of times. And I didn't want to try too many times and gross out the people in the stalls next to me.)

Hmmm. I'm sure there are many people who find an outlet for their anger / frustration / sadism / {insert other negative emotion here} by kicking flush handles in the loo.

On a completely unrelated note - I found out 2 women I work with are taking part in the National Novel Writing Month (whew)

Huh?

2007-11-04T22:52:00.000-08:00

I just found this on MSNBC and I'm not sure what to make of it.

I mean if it works for them - great! But seriously...?

Where did the extra hour go?

2007-11-04T22:28:00.001-08:00

Apparently we "fell back" an hour today. Apparently I got an extra hour of sleep today. Apparently it's really 11.30 now. Apparently...you get the drift right?

The only problem is - where did that extra hour go?

I mean it's late on a Sunday night and I'm still sitting here thinking of the 10,000 things I have to do before tomorrow. Surely if there were an "extra hour" like everyone wants me to believe - I'd have done at least 9,999 of those things.

Next time, I'd like that "extra hour" in installments of 3 minutes please - so I can be on time for 20 meetings / make the light near my office before it turns red / have time for cleanse-tone-moisturise in the nights as well...the list goes on.

"Should-have-just-stayed-in-bed" Saturday

2007-11-03T20:35:00.000-07:00

ü Curtain that’s too long – 1 No

ü Curtain rod bowing under the weight of the curtains – 1 No

ü Extra holes in the wall – 3 Nos

ü Leaking Kitchen sink that needs a new faucet – 1 No

ü Garage door that needs a new opener – 1 No

Oh well, at least the weekend is still not over. And the handyman is coming again tomorrow. Let's see what happens then.

Superman Vs Spiderman

2007-11-02T23:47:00.000-07:00

A: Oh Man! Look at the phider !

R: Yes sweetie, that’s Spider-Man

A: (frantically waving) Bye-bye phider…Bye phider

R: (feeling a little foolish) Bye Spider.

A: (looking bewildered that the phider is still around) No phider! No phider!

R: Ok ok...No phider. Come on Superman, let's go. Can you say "Trick or Treat"?

A: No phider! No phider!

R: (sigh)

{Looks like the (2-yr old) Superman I was with on Halloween didn't care too much for "Spiders" who didn't get that "Bye-bye" actually meant "Go-away-I-don't-want-to-see-you"}

Somebody tell me when it's over

2007-11-01T13:26:00.000-07:00

Imagine being buckled into your seat on a ride at an amusement park. The I-can-feel-my-stomach-near-my throat feeling right before the ride starts.
The I-can’t-feel-my-knees feeling you get when you’re in love.
The what-if-I-mess-this-up that goes through your mind on your first day at work/school/{insert other social situation here}
The excitement when you get the keys to a new car or a new place to live in.

Now imagine all these feelings happening at the same time. That is what I’m going through right now.

I signed up for Nablopomo 2007 in a moment of weakness and now I’m freaking out. I have to sit down and breathe deeply and tell myself I can do this.

Here’s the game plan:
1) Transform all my Drafts into actual posts
2) Look for all the memes I can find
3) Keep my fingers crossed that exciting things happen to me so I can write about them

Anyone who can help with 2 and 3 above – you know where to find me. I’ll be right here chewing my nails wondering what I was thinking (not!) when I signed up for this.

MPD?

2007-10-12T23:30:00.000-07:00

Which Friends Character Are You?
	You are Joey. You may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but you're unrivalled when it comes to the opposite sex. You're a great friend, going great lengths when needed. Remember: your friends are your lifeline and you'd better not leave them behind. Success will be hard to find without them around.

Which Hogwarts House Would You Be In?

The Sorting Hat would put you in Ravenclaw. You are wise, perceptive, and quietly brilliant. You may not always be noticed right away, but you are widely respected for your humor and brains.

Which Disney Princess Are You?
	You are Cinderella. You are hard-working and never complain, however, your trust is sometimes misplaced and people sometimes take advantage of you. Still, you are beautiful inside and out, and one day you will realize it and find true love.

Which Winnie the Pooh Character Are You?
	You are Rabbit. You are clever, intelligent, and level-headed. You have close, loyal friendships, but you have a bit of a short temper when the people around you act foolishly.

Which Harry Potter Character Are You?
	You are part Hermione. You're a bookworm always in search of answers. When pressed, however, you can always be counted on to put away the books and help your friends.
	You are part Hagrid. You're an outcast with a heart of gold. Despite your own problems, you always find time to help those in need.

No prizes for guessing I've been spending time at Brainfall via Facebook.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe
Catch a tiger by the toe
If he hollers let him go,
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Ignorance is bliss...

2007-10-06T20:40:00.000-07:00

Or is it?

Recently I found out something that I wish I didn't know. At that time I wished I could turn the clock back and say "No" when someone said they had something to tell me.

At the same time, I was also glad I found out - this way I won't make a fool of myself any more. I'm taking turns being sad, hurt and mad, and it's all I can do to not say something that I shouldn't.

Hopefully this too shall pass and soon.

Kasme waade pyaar wafaa sab, Baatein hain baato ka kya
Koyi kisi ka nahi ye jhoothhe, Naate hain naato ka kya
("Kasme waade" - OST Upkaar)

Wouldn't / Shouldn't / Couldn't

2007-08-19T10:14:00.000-07:00

I read this a long time ago and thought of it every time I cleared out the “drafts” folder in my email inbox. Today I did that again and decided it was time to finally say all those things I wouldn’t / shouldn’t / couldn’t say before:

Maybe you should have married him instead.

Maybe you should have married her instead.

Stop whining already.

I’m jealous of you.

I know what he said.

I wish I wrote to you more.

I wish you wrote to me more.

I don’t like that we’re not talking anymore.

Just because I don’t call you on it doesn’t mean I don’t know you’re lying.

What happened?

I really like you.

I wish I could tell you how hurt I am.

I don’t like you. I just (barely?) pretend to.

I can’t believe you said that.

BFF

2007-05-11T16:19:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago I was telling my husband about an email I’d received from a friend. My reply to his question about which friend started with “my best friend from….”
Only when I saw his puzzled face, I realized I say that about many of my friends – “my best friend from…”. What can I say – I have awesome friends and here are just a few reasons why (in no particular order) -

R – For being my “grown up” friend. You inspire me to be better.
P – For leaving nice comments on my weird pictures. You’re the best at making me feel good about myself.
R – For being way too nice to me.
A – For being the friend who will tell me when those pants make me look fat.
J – For all those afternoons of doing nothing and still doing so much.
P – For letting me play “cops & robbers”.
F – For showing me I could be good at stuff.
K – For showing me one can know how to cook and still be cool.
R – For being happy for me even when you’re sad.
A – For endless cups of coffee and finding friends in unlikely places.
B – For being the closest thing to a sister I could have had.
K – For your uncanny ability to read my mind.
M – For shared dreams, tea parties and “Heidi”.
R – If you weren’t my friend, I’d be jealous of you.
P – You rock. Period.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
~ "You raise me up" by Josh Groban

cant believe u save mail from the previous century!

2007-05-08T14:55:00.000-07:00

Scene 1: I’m filling out some form for work. For once I’m prepared with all the information I need. I just check a box here, write a number there, “dum di da di dum” is playing in my head…suddenly I see that the form requires a passport size photograph. I’m stumped. But not for too long – I remember that I had “organized” my things recently. So I head very confidently to the box labeled "R Stuff". And spend the next hour sifting through old letters, postcards, movie ticket stubs (Napoleon Dynamite. Don’t even ask), photos and other "memories" – including my laminated ID card from kindergarten. And the photograph in question? Not a single one in sight...of course! My husband is very supportive (not!), “It is not just about storage. It is about retrieval also”.

Scene 2: I put the box away and start searching my email – somewhere I had an order number that I could use to request reprints. And modern day technology being what it is – all I’d have to do is type the search terms “passport + photograph + order” right? Wrong. Apparently I use a very advanced email filing system – the only thing that turned up was spam from
http://www.your passport to a photographic memory - order today.com
Ok so the search idea wasn’t so great.
I start looking at subject lines of my emails to see if I can find it. I have no luck with “Picture this”, “A thousand words”, “Big picture”, “Portrait or landscape”, “Picture Perfect”, “At first sight”…the list goes on.
More “help” from the husband quarter – “You know, if you just deleted some of the junk in there, you might have more luck finding it”.
My (very mature) response is to make a face and say “Bah!”
Just my luck, the next email we see after that is one he sent me (in 2004) that just says “cant believe u save mail from the previous century!” – in response to a forward I sent him (that I had originally received in 1999).
I quickly close it and hope he hadn’t seen that e-mail. No such luck – he’s busy putting on his “I told you so” face. Game set match K.

Scene 3: About a week later I’m rooting around in my bag for spare cash. And the first thing I find? An envelope containing 20 passport size photos. And no husband around to watch my victory dance. (sigh).

So I went shopping recently...

2007-04-20T15:52:00.000-07:00

...and came back with the BIGGEST (pun intended) complex ever.

And the person I went shopping with ? She came back with a Size 2 skirt that's a wee bit too big since the store was all out of Size 1's. (Sigh)

Got to run - need to go to the gym. Actually got to run period.

Hurray ! I have all the answers....

2007-04-18T16:51:00.000-07:00

...well to 5 of Brandy's questions at least.

1. If you could have prevented one event in history, what would it have been and why?
World War II. Annie Frank. I rest my case.

2. Why do you blog? (A bit of a rip off question from what Bre asked me, but I'm always curious)
I think putting things in writing somehow makes them seem more intense, funny, sad, witty, deep…{insert your favourite adjectives here}. And in many cases it is better than saying the same thing out loud*

3. If you wrote the story of your life, what would the title of your autobiography be?
This one’s easy – I’ve had a name picked out for years: “Colours – A Kaleidoscope of Emotions”. I also considered “Rite of Passage” but Alexei Panshin beat me to it.

4. What's your best characteristic?
I make friends very easily. And make an effort to keep them.

5. What is something most people would be surprised to learn about you?
Has to be my age. In person I look a few years older than I really am. Over the phone I sound about 6. Go figure.

And then I live happily ever after. THE END

If you are interested in participating, here are the rules:
Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me!”
I will respond by e-mailing you five questions.
I get to pick them, and you have to answer them all.
You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

* especially if you've received the "looks" I have

Of angst and eighteen year olds

2007-04-08T18:46:00.001-07:00

when i want to cry
the tears wont come
when i want to smile
the tears wont stop

when i want to die
they ask me why
when i want to live
they say "give up"

when i ask for love
i'm told "not today"
when they look for me
i'm too far away

when i chase harmony
i encounter strife
upside down & topsy turvy
oh well i guess "such is life"

A new year...a new day

2007-01-29T21:13:00.000-08:00

New Years Eve…waiting in the lounge for a boarding call…passing time trying to figure out what the other people in the lounge do for a living…watching re-runs of Saddam Hussein’s execution and Gerald Ford’s funeral…filling up on veggie sandwiches and sparkling water...making sure I "shopped" at every store in the vicinity...

New Years Eve…sitting on a plane somewhere over Hong Kong…peering through the window to see if I can actually spot the “International Dateline”…stewardesses passing out glasses of champagne…falling asleep halfway thru a Hindi movie (hmmm…I wonder which girl the guy finally ends up with)

New Years Eve…settling down on the couch…deciding to not watch what’s on TV…playing hangman with the husband…giggling when he isn’t able to guess the word I’m thinking of…insisting I did NOT change the word half-way thru…content :)

2007 is here...wonder what it has in store for me

Ever wondered why…

2006-12-11T14:19:00.000-08:00

…the only people who look good working out in a gym are the ones who don’t need to
…when you’re late for work and park in the first available spot (a mile away) – you see a vacant spot right by the building’s entrance
…your cube at office looks like a Martha Stewart showpiece but your living room always looks like the scene of a major hurricane
…you never have anywhere to go / anyone to meet when you’re having a “good hair day” (ditto for “great skin day”)
…the one day you decide to indulge in “comfort food” at the cafeteria is the day you run into everyone you know
...just when you think you have men all figured out, they bowl you over with something totally unexpected
…your manager *always* stops by your desk when you’re taking your first break of the day to browse the net (after 4 hours of non-stop work)
…the cute skirt that made you look great in the store’s trial room makes you look fat in real life
…the prettier your shoes are, the more uncomfortable they are to walk in
…the day you wear that new jacket is the day you spill mustard all over yourself
…in spite of all this, life still is a blast?!

Heads I'm lucky, tails I'm...

2006-12-07T15:18:00.000-08:00

Hmmm...I logged in to Orkut this morning and here's what I found on my homepage :

I wonder what that means. Am I in the wrong lane? Or am I lucky?
Or is this just another attempt on my part to see "signs" in everything around me?

I feel pretty...

2006-12-05T10:04:00.000-08:00

Reading online reviews of salons in the neighborhood (give or take 20 miles) – 1 week
Asking many people I knew (and many I didn’t) where they got their hair done – “Ok! No more coffee for you” looks from all of them
Flipping through a zillion magazines while waiting, trying to find the “perfect” look - 30 minutes and total confusion
Trying not to imagine what a wrong snip would do – chewed up nails
Looking in the mirror after she says “Ok I’m done” and liking what I see – a (huge) sigh of relief
The charge on my credit card – an arm and a leg
Making my hair look the same the next morning – painstaking (achieved with “serum” and waking up 30 minutes earlier than usual)
The “wow-my-hair-looks-so-nice-I-could-be-in-a-shampoo-commercial” feeling when I see my reflection somewhere – Priceless

I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight.
("I feel pretty" - OST Westside Story)

Of Coffee...and everything under the sun...

2006-10-10T12:13:00.000-07:00

I was recently cleaning up my cellphone - when I came across this old "note" I had saved on it a long time ago...
Suddenly I'm in my mother's kitchen again....bantering with her as we both got our coffee - mine in an oversized mug, hers in "the glass"....and then we would go back to the living room, I'd fold my legs under me and we'd be off....chatting about everything under the sun....long after the coffee was gone, we'd be sitting there....not wanting to let the moment go....reluctant to let the rest of the day come and take that away from us....and now here I am.....all those days behind me....getting all weepy and sentimental over a Starbucks coffee shot as it all comes back to me......
PS: I went back home in August - and it was almost as if the last 2 years hadn't even happened. It was as if I woke up one morning and went into her kitchen and got a cup of coffee...and time stood still...

What I did at work today

2006-09-07T10:28:00.000-07:00

I am thinking about how nice a hug would feel right now
I said I would not be such a cry baby (just like I said I would watch my weight I guess)
I am crazy
I want to travel, learn more languages, meditate on my belly-button (big picture) fit into size 4 jeans (small picture – actually big if you look at “it” from a different angle)
I wish I were more organised
I love the sound of my husband’s voice
I cry for no reason and for everything
I hear imaginary people talk about me
I wonder what would happen if I tried to disappear? Would I succeed? Would they find me?
I regret all the times I mope and think "what if?"
I confuse myself constantly – am I or am I not? Do I or do I not? Can I or can I not?
I dance very very badly (ask Anahat)
I sing off-key,out of tune and all the time
I am not always spaced-out – there are times when I have brilliant flashes of inspiration and sometimes surprise myself even
I write better when I’m angry / hurt / sad
I need to get a new look

Maybe...

2006-08-30T13:01:00.000-07:00

I just read my earlier post - was I being too cynical and/or judgemental - maybe I should just mind my business and not put the world under a microscope? Maybe just as I think I know what I'm doing - others do too...Maybe I should just knock on wood and be thankful I found my own happily ever after...Maybe I should just go to bed content...instead of staying up late thinking dreary thoughts...Well...maybe I just will...(at least until the next wave of "what is with this world we live in" hits anyway!!!)

Does a happily ever after even exist?

2006-08-30T12:22:00.000-07:00

A while ago a friend and I were speaking about the state of relationships, more specifically marriages in today's world. There is a "finality" (or whatever the noun form of final is) about marriage that many people don't seem to realise before (sometimes even after) they get into it.
She was telling me about how some people thought they were better off getting un-married rather than stay with the "mistakes" they'd married...we spoke of extra-marital affairs and people leaving each other at the drop of a hat...that got me thinking - whatever happened to good old "happily ever after"? Was it only meant to be the last line of little girls' fairy tales not be applied to real life any more? Why do more and more people think they can't (or is it they don't want to?) "make it work" ? And all the people who DO stay together - is it because they're scared to not?

3 years and counting...

2006-07-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

How time flies by - it has already been 3 years since I joined TCS...on the other hand how slowly time drags on - especially when I'm watching the clock on a dreary Tuesday afternoon waiting for a meeting to get over...
From those first days in Kerala to my current gig in California - where have the last 3 years gone? (My inner cynic's reply - innumerable cups of coffee, dirty office politics, pages and pages of documentation, the list goes on...)

:(

2006-07-13T16:34:00.000-07:00

A really nice "testimonial" that a (very good) friend of mine wrote for me seems to have disappeared from my Orkut profile :( In a weird way that testimonial helped me feel good about myself...and now it's not there...
(sigh) Now I'm going to have to resort to my Plan B and find a bar of chocolate as an alternate source of endorphins to keep me going

I'm back....or not

2006-07-12T11:35:00.000-07:00

Finally I'm back on Blogger...well technically I can't say I'm "back" - because I wasn't really here - I just visited a couple of times...For ease of expression, let me just stick with "I'm back"
Is it too soon? Or did I already stay away too long? Either way, now that I'm here do I even have anything to say?
Well I have all day to ponder about this...my manager is out sick...and you know what they say about "when the cat is away" :)

Things I ask myself...

2005-04-11T11:18:00.000-07:00

Why not? Who said? What for? Where from? When on? How come?

Whatever

2003-03-21T23:09:00.000-08:00

thunder lightning raindrops dew
sunshine winter warm clothes you

words symbols people voices
silence footsteps music noises

thoughts feelings emotions fears
joys laughter love tears

walks friendship days nights
smiles songs holding hands fights

colours touching smells friends
meetings roads journeys dead ends

buildings floors crowds spaces
empty full walls faces

beginning games kings pawns
losers winners dusk dawns